Dating A Serial Monogamist
Posted : admin On 17.01.2020Everyone has a different dating style. Some people are big into commitment while others are naturally more aloof. Knowing about your partner’s dating style can help you learn a lot about them and can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship. Let’s talk about a common but often misunderstood dater in today’s world: the serial monogamist.
First thing’s first: What is a serial monogamist? A serial monogamist is someone who always wants to be in a relationship. They like committing to one person. A common misconception around serial monogamists is that they date a lot of people back to back, cycling through many partners in a short amount of time. That’s not necessarily true. Serial monogamists seek commitment, not variety; most prefer quality over quantity.
Serial monogamy is not one long-term relationship, however. Rather, it is a series of dating commitments. Sign #2: You still talk about your exes even when you’re in a new relationship with someone else. I was a textbook serial monogamist — I was constantly jumping from relationship to relationship with my longest period of single-dom lasting only two months. This would have been fine except for the fact that each breakup became progressively worse.
Just because someone likes commitment doesn’t mean they’re going to pressure you to get married right away. But they do move at a different pace and with different motivations. Check these signs to see if you’re dating a serial monogamist so you can learn more about them.
1. They just got out of a relationship right before they started dating you.
Serial monogamists are uncomfortable being single. The biggest sign that you’re dating one is that they took little to no time to be single before your relationship began.
2. They’re not into playing the game.
When you first start dating someone, you might be coy about things like avoiding texting back too quickly, hiding your quirky habits, and keeping your guard up. But serial monogamists get comfortable in relationships—even ones that aren’t officially official yet—very quickly. They’re not interested in waiting and they don’t want to play dating games; they want to jump ahead six months to the part where you’re in a comfortable, committed relationship.
3. They value the three C’s: comfort, commitment, and communication.
Serial monogamists want to be comfortable in your relationship right away. They expect you to commit to everything from them to dinner plans, and they demand constant communication. Plus, they don’t do a fourth C: casual.
4. They’re not very independent.
They’ve always had a romantic partner to lean on and with which to experience life. They also may often live with multiple roommates or still live with their parents. They crave the feeling of having someone there for them, and they may have never truly been on their own or grown into their own person.
5. They talk about their ex a lot.
Most people use the time after a breakup to mourn it, meditate on it, and learn from it. But when serial monogamists break up with someone, they jump right into a new committed relationship without taking the time to process the loss. As a result, they carry around baggage from their previous relationships. Whether they realize it or not, they often bring it up in their new ones—and may make the same mistakes over and over again.
6. They don’t have a lot of wild stories about their single days.
For the majority of their adult life—and maybe even their adolescent life—they’ve been in a relationship. There aren’t any single days to talk about. So if you’re trading stories about your crazy, adventurous days, they won’t have much to add. Serial monogamists crave stability, and by their terms, being single is not stable.
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7. They seem consumed by your relationship.
Everyone’s dated someone who’s been “all in” right away. If your partner is intense and very caught up in your relationship from the start, they might be a serial monogamist.
Being in a relationship with a serial monogamist isn’t a bad thing. They’re some of the most loyal, thoughtful, and caring partners you’ll ever date. Knowing more about them can help you understand their patterns of behavior and can lead to happier, healthier relationships.
Definition Monogamist
Many of us have been in a relationship, however, are you that one person that seems to always be in a relationship? If you’re not sure, take a moment to think about your dating life. Have you ever had a couple months of being completely solo without seeing anyone? If not, well, I hate to break it to you, you may actually be a serial monogamist. Is that necessarily a bad thing? No, however, you may be more scared to be alone than you thought.
Dating A Serial Monogamist Look
If you’re still not sure what a serial monogamist is, let’s talk about it in a little more detail. Essentially, a serial monogamist is a person who is exclusive with one person – which isn’t a bad thing, you should know. However, this person usually continues to be in serious relationships one after the other without having an actual break in between.
Is this a bad thing? Again, you’re not committing a crime. It shows that you’re able to be committed to someone you like, however, because you rush into a relationship right after the last one ended, you don’t take the time to heal, which means your relationships usually end. This doesn’t have anything to do with gender or age but rather the fear and insecurity of being alone. So, if you’re looking for an actual relationship that isn’t based on you being scared of loneliness, maybe it’s time to change your ways. First, though, you need to know if you really are a serial monogamist.
If you’re still not sure or simply in denial that you’re a serial monogamist, then why not take a look at the signs.
What Does Monogamist Mean
You get into relationships easily
You don’t need to do much work in order to get into a serious relationship. It’s actually really easy for you to be exclusive with someone. Too easy. Are you getting where I’m going with this? You just slide into a relationship like it’s a kiddie slide at a water park. What happened to develop feelings for someone and really getting to know them. What happens, is that instead of taking the time to actually see who this person is and whether you see yourself with them, you jump right into it. They’re your boyfriend or girlfriend after the first date – you just seal the deal. But do you really know who this person is? Do you know their flaws? How do they like their coffee in the morning? If you don’t know who they are, how can you be in love with them?
You’ve never been single
Or rarely been single. The point is, none of your friends remember the moment when you weren’t dating someone. They only ever remember you in a relationship whether it was a good or bad one. This is all fear based. You’re scared of being alone. Don’t you think we’re all scared of not finding love and being alone? But is jumping into a relationship that you’re unsure of a better idea than taking some time to figure out what type of partner you’d like? Being alone is frightening, however, being with someone you don’t truly love is even more frightening.
When you’re a serial monogamist, the only time you feel complete is when you’re in a loving relationship. But that doesn’t mean you actually love the person you’re with. Filling the hole inside of you with someone else doesn’t actually fill the hole. All you’re doing is throwing a rug on top of the hole in hopes of covering it up. Who cares if you’re single for a couple months or a couple years, you need the time to be on your own to find someone you truly like.
You can’t stand dating
Okay, I mean, who really likes dating? They can be fun but small talk can become yawn-worthy. But, for you the idea of having to date makes you sweat anxiously. You think people who constantly go on dates have some problem. But really, you’re the one with the problem. Think about it. People are going on dates to try to find someone who they feel is worthy of their love, but you’re just giving it away like candy! Sure, dating can get exhausting and borderline mind numbing after a while, but so is sitting beside someone you don’t really love.
You don’t take breaks in between relationships
Breaks? What are those? Exactly. For you, once one relationship ends, you’re onto the next. This isn’t right. This isn’t helping you at all, in fact, this is simply damaging you. You need the time in between relationships to reflect on your emotions and what went on in the relationship. How can you be a better person for your next partner if you’re not taking time for yourself to see what went wrong and what you need to do to be a better person? For serial monogamists, they’re already looking for someone else when they feel that their current relationship is fizzling out. It’s like watching a monkey swing from one vine to the other, they don’t let go of the vine unless they have one up ahead that they can grab.
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You’re committed…to a point
You’re a committed partner in any relationship. You don’t cheat on your partner, you’re there for them, however, when it comes to making the next move, like moving into together or getting engaged – you pull out. You seem to never be ready for the next move. Maybe you feel your independence slipping away or that you feel trapped, but what’s really happening is that you’re in fear of intimacy, true intimacy. Just because you’re not cheating your partner, doesn’t mean you’re emotionally intimate with them. So, when it comes to the next step, you break up with them or tell them you’re not ready – which you’ll never be ready.
Your relationships are more physical
Of course, you’re emotional with your partner to a certain extent – but that’s my point. You’re emotional with them only to a point. In reality, your relationship is more physical if anything. Have you really had those late night conversation about love, life, and death? Or are you busy humping each other? Not saying the latter is bad, but there’s more to a relationship than just making out and having sex. At the end of the day, can you have a conversation with your partner that isn’t about your day at work or what’s on tv?
You’re a hopeless romantic
At the end of it all, you believe that there is one true love out there for you and you want to grow old with them. This is truly beautiful. But, you don’t see that with your current partner or really any of the people you’ve been in relationships with. This could be a reason as to why you’re a serial monogamist. You’re constantly looking for that one person and every time you meet someone that you have chemistry with, you think they’re the one. Of course, as you know, you find out that they’re not the one for you and you start the vicious cycle all over again. You’re going to find that person for you, however, jumping from one person to another isn’t going to help you find the one.
Your life revolves around your relationship
You don’t really do things on your own or for yourself. You find yourself planning your life around the relationship you’re in and this happens with every relationship you’re in. Is planning your future with your partner a bad thing? No. However, for you, it seems to be the only thing that you do. Putting yourself into a relationship can be a good thing, however, you also need to keep your individuality at the same time. Remember, balance is essential if you want a healthy relationship.
Now that you know the signs of a serial monogamist, what do you think? Are you one? If so, don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world, but if you really want to find a partner, then you’re going to have to address this. Focus on yourself and try to cope with the idea of being alone. Sure, it may be months or even a year of being alone but at the end, you’ll learn so much more about yourself and find someone that really appreciates you and vice versa.